Decoration

“But it’s all so objective,” I whined, “nothing more than decoration.”

“Decoration?” she asked with a puzzled look smeared across her face.

“Decoration” I repeated, “and I’m nothing more than wallpaper.”

     I watched as she pondered my answer without the slightest clue what I was talking about. Confident I’d lost her in my maze of vagueness I began to change subjects, but …

“I’m not sure I understand,” she urged “wallpaper?...how so?”

I snickered as if this concept were common knowledge to just anyone.

    “If your everyday interactions or relationships with people were …” I stopped suddenly realizing how rusty it all sounded out loud.

“Were,” I continued to expel the dusty theory. “Were… viewed as objects in your house…who would be the first to welcome you home after a long day regardless of good or bad, only to be pushed aside in seconds. You know this person. We all have them, we just don’t refer to them as our front door.” I paused for a minute admiring the insanity, “Then you head to your fridge, this cold box that stores vital nutrients necessary to help sustain your everyday life. You take what you need and lets be honest no one tells their fridge ‘thank-you’. You see where I’m going with this…?” I grinned. 

_GT

Post Note: Thank you Breann for listening even when I sound like a lunatic.

Time to catch up.

[11082013- 1:23am Pacific Standard]


Perks of an insomniac
surrender to silence it always wins
Shrugged off like the stained sheets
Obvious like the overlooked slime on the couch.
They notice but don't say a word.
A silent demolition for public display.
Pieces of human blown every which way
limbs everywhere while
everyone goes about their day


-G.T



[08172013- 6:35 Pacific Standard]

I no longer viewed these silent interactions as intelligent. The disrespect that grew like a fungus in my living room stemmed solely from everything I wasn't willing to let go.They sat there watching me the way a cat watches a mouse before deliciously enjoying the energy gained from eating it. The eyes are what haunted me. Hallow gazes and blank stares glowing in the darkness. The interrogations to simply pass time and momentum. Unchanged faces leaving without traces of having been something we were ever involved in.

Update.

20130813 



 When I think back on her and the world she sheltered me in, I realize she never hid me on earth. The concept seems rash to those who don't think to understand & for the longest time--I didn't. The mind is capable of unlimited possibilities if your brave enough to get devoured  by the dimensions of consciousness. Most of us aren't. Fearing we'll come across the unseen voice embedded deep in the mind of all earthlings.
     Once you realize the voice was your own all along, fear fades into nothing more than playful gestures. After you overcome the fear of yourself, thoughts become answers not choices. You drift from being the question to the most blatant answer. Confidence is not obvious, it will not walk up and shake your hand. It will not grow stronger through compliments or happy thoughts. No confidence my dear does not have a pretty face.  It's hideous and hides itself from any sign of danger. It lurks somewhere between nightmares&self-doubt. Deeply entangled in all your fears, becoming a fear in itself. Because if you weren't afraid of yourself, than what would be left to fear but fear itself?
   The thought alone scares you 


_GT