{21042014; 12:22p.m}

I wanted to hide amongst the fallen leaves and left behind nuisance. Somewhere they told me I belonged. There was an ease in embracing my surroundings for what they were. A photosynthesis of life. To lack anything was simply misunderstanding. No cause for tremble its all right here, but your looking there && no one looks for a leaf in the middle of a forest.

 {26052014; 12:24A.M}

Mile high state of mind
Grabs you by the spine
Nothing left to find
Caught the red eye
to claim whats mine
Shed my face changed my race
Sat back and enjoyed the pace
of being out of place
Far from home with the clouds to roam
Caught my name on the extinct list
The field couldn't handle me cause I'm not that weak shit
sad me shit
Runaway on some do me shit
Chase the dream shit 
Something I needed but wasn't ready to leave this
one mind that caught mine
Love undefined had me in a race with time
Not even the cosmos could confine the bind.
Window seat assigned but I couldn't leave it behind.

Decoration

“But it’s all so objective,” I whined, “nothing more than decoration.”

“Decoration?” she asked with a puzzled look smeared across her face.

“Decoration” I repeated, “and I’m nothing more than wallpaper.”

     I watched as she pondered my answer without the slightest clue what I was talking about. Confident I’d lost her in my maze of vagueness I began to change subjects, but …

“I’m not sure I understand,” she urged “wallpaper?...how so?”

I snickered as if this concept were common knowledge to just anyone.

    “If your everyday interactions or relationships with people were …” I stopped suddenly realizing how rusty it all sounded out loud.

“Were,” I continued to expel the dusty theory. “Were… viewed as objects in your house…who would be the first to welcome you home after a long day regardless of good or bad, only to be pushed aside in seconds. You know this person. We all have them, we just don’t refer to them as our front door.” I paused for a minute admiring the insanity, “Then you head to your fridge, this cold box that stores vital nutrients necessary to help sustain your everyday life. You take what you need and lets be honest no one tells their fridge ‘thank-you’. You see where I’m going with this…?” I grinned. 

_GT

Post Note: Thank you Breann for listening even when I sound like a lunatic.

Time to catch up.

[11082013- 1:23am Pacific Standard]


Perks of an insomniac
surrender to silence it always wins
Shrugged off like the stained sheets
Obvious like the overlooked slime on the couch.
They notice but don't say a word.
A silent demolition for public display.
Pieces of human blown every which way
limbs everywhere while
everyone goes about their day


-G.T



[08172013- 6:35 Pacific Standard]

I no longer viewed these silent interactions as intelligent. The disrespect that grew like a fungus in my living room stemmed solely from everything I wasn't willing to let go.They sat there watching me the way a cat watches a mouse before deliciously enjoying the energy gained from eating it. The eyes are what haunted me. Hallow gazes and blank stares glowing in the darkness. The interrogations to simply pass time and momentum. Unchanged faces leaving without traces of having been something we were ever involved in.

Update.

20130813 



 When I think back on her and the world she sheltered me in, I realize she never hid me on earth. The concept seems rash to those who don't think to understand & for the longest time--I didn't. The mind is capable of unlimited possibilities if your brave enough to get devoured  by the dimensions of consciousness. Most of us aren't. Fearing we'll come across the unseen voice embedded deep in the mind of all earthlings.
     Once you realize the voice was your own all along, fear fades into nothing more than playful gestures. After you overcome the fear of yourself, thoughts become answers not choices. You drift from being the question to the most blatant answer. Confidence is not obvious, it will not walk up and shake your hand. It will not grow stronger through compliments or happy thoughts. No confidence my dear does not have a pretty face.  It's hideous and hides itself from any sign of danger. It lurks somewhere between nightmares&self-doubt. Deeply entangled in all your fears, becoming a fear in itself. Because if you weren't afraid of yourself, than what would be left to fear but fear itself?
   The thought alone scares you 


_GT

Parasite.

9.15.12
[8:16 pm pacific standard time]

PARASITE.

There was the vague concept of thought, of course, and how much of my time it took up. Living in my mind like  parasite . It continues to chew away at the outer layer of brain. Another piece of myself digested into the lowest form of filth, which of course lies in the hallows of my head. Wasting precious thoughts on unreachable souls. My essence will never hibernate in the mind I crave. The thoughts chew through the first layer as I sit there motionless, oblivious to my surroundings. Just me vs my thoughts. like a parasite living rent free in my cage. I want to infect someone, to become a piece of them. Float through their veins, filling their body, past the pumping heart, I'll latch. Just for a glimpse. I'll float on near retina and enjoy your view, but again I'll float on. My destination is the highest. Ride the veracious veins to the brain. Nestled right below the skull; I settle. Grow my roots, but I'm no parasite. I only wish you thought of me as I did you.


-G.T 

Devour my brain not my flesh.

It's the ideals they all harbor that makes me uneasy. Their fascination with routine and families makes my head spin. Running was the plan. Escape a million miles away without the slightest glance over my shoulder. Pack up my memories in my notebook and leave the pages fresh for a rainy day. It's all the same here. Same clothes same slang same interests yet no one understands?
"because your different" I read the lies below his name
Because I'm capable of thinking for myself?
Saddening.
You claim you crave a woman with a brain in land full of zombies.
As you devour her flesh she whispers
But what about my brain?


-gt